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Designing a life, with money to spare

Recently, I was listening to an interview with writer, Pico Iyer, and it struck me like a lightning bolt: Iyer had managed to do what few people have, and that is to design the life that he wanted.

In his 20s, Iyer was living the high life, employed as a travel writer and venturing to all parts of the world, while also living in New York and having a wide and active social life. Yet, he realized that wasn’t the life that he wanted. He wished to be an independent writer that earned enough to get by, and he craved a quieter life outside the bubble of New York. He ended up marrying a Japanese woman and dividing his year between two homes, one in a small town in Kyoto and another in California.

Iyer largely organized his life around three things: his family, writing, and his quest for solitude. And he prioritised times of solitude because he believed they made him a better husband, father, and writer.

What stood out was the contentedness and wisdom that came from Iyer making these choices.

And it quickly dawned on me that I wasn’t living my life exactly the way that I wanted. Like a lot of people, I’d made conscious and unconscious decisions that had led me to living parts of my life that met others’ expectations, but not my own.

From a court through to Firstlinks

Regular readers would know that I mostly grew up on a tennis court. I was always an introvert so the sport suited me well. Yet, that didn’t prevent me from being a ratbag on the court. Think John McEnroe, and I’m not exaggerating. Tennis seemed to bring out an extreme level of competitiveness and perfectionism in me.

Those traits served me well, to a point, in tennis, and then later as I took education more seriously, and entered the workforce.

In my first job as a journalist, I was ambitious, and after a time when I didn’t rise up the ladder as quickly as I wanted, I switched into a growing interest of mine: finance.

My new field of work as an analyst at a stockbroker delivered competitiveness, on steroids. It was a few years before the 2008 GFC, when the finance industry was wild and bubbly.

The crisis changed all that, of course, and I soon switched into funds management, determined to carve out a high-flying career there.

I remember having an offsite with my equities fund team, and we were discussing what our goals should be – a mission statement. Everyone’s view was sought, and when it came to mine, I said, “To be the best fund manager in the industry”, or something similar. Then, a more senior team member had the floor and suggested, “To help our clients fulfill their financial goals.” It quickly dawned on me how inadequate my answer had been. The competitive beast from my tennis days hadn’t diminished.

Then, something life-changing happened: I got fired from my job. Though no fault of my own, it hurt and made me angry, and those emotions lingered for a long time.

Driven by the hurt, I tried various business ventures before eventually figuring it what I really wanted to do: have a job that enabled me to write about finance, with the flexibility to also be an active father to my two young children.

That’s how I ended up applying for a role at Firstlinks, and though I was a little unsure, my wife piped up and said, “You’re made for that role.” She knew me well.

Lesson learned

What I’ve slowly come to realise is that when taken too far, competitiveness has a dark side: it leads to choices which can help you climb the corporate or life ladder but may not suit you or your circumstances; it results in you not being the nicest person; and it’s deceptive because it makes you feel in control of your life, though what you’re really doing is trying to be better than other people, and being acknowledged as such in their eyes.

In other words, competitiveness can lead to a life where you’re trying to meet others’ expectations as much as your own.

Though this is my story, I don’t think I’m alone in living parts of my life to meet someone’s, or society’s, expectations. Often without knowing it, we are creatures of the environments in which we live – in its attitudes, mores and expectations.

I recognize now that though I have work that suits me and I’m an active father, there are other aspects of my life that should be prioritised. There’s a creativity that needs to be further nourished (I’d argue competitiveness can prevent you from seeing the beauty in things, including art) and, like Iyer, a yearning for moments of solitude to balance out the hecticness of family life.

Having a life plan before a financial plan

The lessons flow through to investing. For me, taming my competitiveness has meant lowering my expectations for portfolio returns. I no longer try to 'shoot the lights out' with my portfolio, aiming instead for above average returns, and am ok with even average returns.

I’ve now to come to think that extreme competitiveness can result in poor portfolio decisions. I’ve seen many hedge funds try for market-leading returns by taking on more risk through leverage, market concentration and other tools, only for them to blow themselves soon after. Of these funds, even the ones that do deliver great performance in one year seem to give that back and then some in the following years.

There’s a larger learning here too. And that is, you need to have a life plan before a financial plan. Having financial goals without having life goals is worthless.

You don’t have to take my word for it. The greatest of all investors, Warren Buffett, was working under his mentor and hero, Benjamin Graham, in the early to mid-1950s when he realized that he couldn’t be happy or be the best investor he could be while living in New York. He subsequently went back to his hometown of Omaha, set up a hedge fund at the tender age of 26, and the rest is history.

Buffett knew much earlier than I did that a life plan needs to come before a financial plan.

 

James Gruber is Editor at Firstlinks.

 

26 Comments
K.
May 03, 2025

Ummmm.... you may want to check your Warren Buffett reference.
While an unbelievably successful investor, Buffett was not an unbelievably successful husband or father.
He was estranged from his wife for decades before she died because of his dedication to his work, and I doubt he has great relationships with his children.

Aidan N
March 31, 2025

A powerful reflection ??

Thank you James for so humbly sharing your career life story and lessons learned along the way.

Steve
April 04, 2025

Here here

hen wee
March 31, 2025

yes

Annika
March 30, 2025

What a fantastic article James. No doubt your competitive inner voice requires an ongoing reminder of what's important...Thanks for sharing.

James Gruber
March 31, 2025

Appreciate the kind words, Annika.

Marjorie
March 30, 2025

Very well written and thoughtful, James. Helpful reminder about the value of both being who you are and contentedness. Western world so much about ‘getting more’ and ‘bring more’…of whatever.
Good your wife understands you! :)
Thank you for a lovely piece.

James Gruber
March 31, 2025

Thank you, Marjorie.

Kevin
March 29, 2025

On a different note,but a tenuous link.After being out all day I arrive home,my phone gives me newsfeeds that 99% of the time would be ignored.

A headline from the UK Financial times,scandal,people that have never lived in the UK can claim the full state pension.A headline from the AFR in Australia, Australians can get $480,000 easily .The comments are hilarious.

The FT made a hamfisted attempt to explain you need to have worked for 3 years in the UK and paid NICs..Then you can make up missing years going back to 2006,so you can make up to a maximum of 19 years. That ends on 5 (6?)April so basically next Saturday. You need 35 years contributions to get the full state pension. This has been going on since 1999 when I was first informed.Probably gone on forever and long before 1999.

The comments,well.I know somebody that had a holiday in the UK,they claim the full pension. A holiday for 35 years,and they didn't work or contribute to NICs,how does that happen?

You just shake your head and wonder how the internet made the world full of clickbait and conspiracy theories. Shocking journalism from both financial (?) newspapers

Disgruntled
March 29, 2025

I plan to use the TBC applicable at my retirement @60 in 2 years and 9 months (likely $2.1M) and the tax free threshold to give me a mostly tax free income.

If Labor get in, they may look to change the preservation age, this will alter my plans some what.

TTR should still remain at 60 if preservation age is raised, as it is I think it is stupid to have them the both age.

Rod in Oz
March 29, 2025

Lovely to hear your story James, and our understanding and goals change as we go along in the school of hard knocks. Yes and as you say competitiveness can prevent one seeing beauty - it's because of the state of the mind (rajas is the Sanskrit word:) More solitude and quietness I seemed to need more as I aged and it can be a soothing balm. With the solitude helping to balance active family life you might soon be the sage on the hill :)

Jack
March 28, 2025

Plans are all very well but as Mike Tyson said: “Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face”. John Lennon said something similar with: “Life is what happens to you while you are busy making other plans”.

That’s not to say we shouldn’t make plans. As General Eisenhower said: “Plans are worthless, but planning is essential”.

I’m a great believer in planning. Planning not only clarifies the goals we are trying to achieve but also the issues we need to address to accomplish them. Planning can take account of new realities. Planning provides a road map but sometimes the journey takes a detour and sometimes the destination changes.

Robert G
March 30, 2025

Well said Jack.
To "plans are worthless but planning is essential" I would add that
- good planning means no surprises, and
- good judgement comes from experience, and most of that comes from bad judgement.

Anthony
March 28, 2025

Yes an excellent article and comments. Just back yourself and your gut. The rest will follow. I really love this weekly letter.

James Gruber
March 28, 2025

Thanks Anthony, that's very kind.

James

Mark
March 28, 2025

Thanks James. I can relate from a different perspective because I am in the fortunate position to influence the thinking, and careers, of several hundred young people every year. For the moment, I teach final year undergraduate students in Business (not at one of the G8) and when they enter my subjects, I describe them as being "corks floating on the ocean blown around by the wind and washed around by the currents". Through the time that I spend with them, I encourage them to have a go, do the work, speak up, have an opinion, and by doing so, to "drive the bus rather than be a passenger". For the first few weeks, students are stunned because nobody has spoken to them like this before, and the ideas are new to them, but by the end of 13 weeks I enjoy seeing my students mature and begin to take charge of their situation.

James Gruber
March 28, 2025

Mark,

Good story - the students are lucky to have you.

James

ashley owen
March 28, 2025

great article James and good lessons for life. Buffett is still 'Tap Dancing to Work' (title of his 2012 book) at age 94.
The trick is to do what you love, and love what you do.
cheers
ao

James Gruber
March 28, 2025

Cheers Ashley.

Mart
March 27, 2025

Good thought provoker James .... interestingly if I look back at my relatively poor financial upbringing (single parent child) my parent like most round her was maniac at 'getting ahead' .... not surprisingly that rubbed off on me so I'd say I had a financial plan / drive before I really had a life plan. I guess everyone's circumstances impact them. Can't help thinking of the Mae West quote: "I've been rich and I've been poor and rich is better"

Neil
March 27, 2025

James, I concur entirely: when I retired, I sat down and created an age-dependent lifestyle plan - the things I want to be doing at various ages, spaced by every five years. My financial plan followed / supported that context, not the other way around.

Peter
March 27, 2025

Very thought provoking, great article.

Ken
March 27, 2025

Very well written !

John
March 27, 2025

Great article James, really puts things into perspective. We often are so focused of our financial goals that we forget about our life goals. Thanks again for a most thought provoking article.

David
March 27, 2025

Well said and written James.

James Gruber
March 27, 2025

Thanks Ken, John, and David.

 

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